The Burden of Going Slow

35mm film photography has taught me a valuable lesson about why it is important to go slow on things. It isn't something you can rush, it's not even something you can force if you'd like the results done faster but worse. All aspects of it are a process that involves drawing out the thought process. From the sizing up of a composition to the exposure to getting it all developed to how you choose to scan. All of these parts add up to a slow hobby. One where the expected joys of capturing a beautiful moment have to wait. Not knowing if a picture comes out right for weeks forces your mind to just accept that you can't know everything about something. Going slow, going without knowing it changes your mind from going for the perfect shot to ruminating on how you did. Technique, a keen eye, and the mistakes of the past get to catch up with you when you go this slow. I have found that I see noticeable improvements in my pictures from roll to roll. I think some of that has to be just the practice. A large part of it feels to me that it also has to be the considered, careful pace that gets to stay with you as new exposures are eyed and considered.

Like so many modern hobbyists I am a slave to my interests. Those interests change and go from one flash in a pan to another as the initial surge of excitement turns to a quick silver guilt in the belly from all the GAS and talking big. My recent personal obsession has been 35mm film photography. I am a a bit of a sucker for the retro so that was the allure on its face. We all know people who jabber jaw about the weight, the heft, the CHONK of these things as a justification to itself (they are mostly right as the actual weight of these cameras alongside the shooting process is so tactile and soothing).

Slowing down to really figure something out makes all these hobbies more crisp when they are revisited. Another hobby of mine is reading. I read all kinds of books and since a young age have prided myself on my ability to finish a couple a week. Speed ain't all it's cracked up to be in reading. There is a certain moral obligation one might feel to try and read faster so they can consume the info and catch up on the discourse or wield this new knowledge elsewhere. But slowing down a moment to really settle in with the words gives a much more textured understanding of something than the professor style gleaming gaze.

I also happened to fall into this hobby alongside a very close friend of mine. Usually in any kind of hobby there is sense of competition (again this is almost certainly a bias from my Western "Sports are the moral stick by which we measure the world" upbringing), but with how radically different our set ups are and what we have access to shoot they are apples to oranges. Even if we were in the same area I feel much more excited listening to his stories about the why and how of a picture than any sort of bullshit competition. Modern sharing of a hobbies is riddled with the worst parts of the attention economy, if you aren't getting likes you have failed your interest. What a tiring way to feel. Building a sense of community alongside other driven people, god it feels so rewarding.

I feel I have been in a rush to accomplish things and get done with so much of my life when it comes to all the various parts. Shooting film is helping me realize that you can't rush living, nor would you really want to. I can't rush scans back from m y lab nor can I change the deadlines at work. Film has given me a lot in seeing that the anticipation can be just as exciting as Photo Day.

(Included is a picture I have taken recently that I am quite fond of. A moment I only saw and realized to capture by having my mind slow down.)